Uninformed

I don’t watch the news, so I am completely baffled right now.

I’m 800 years old, so the word “news” is quaint. Nothing is truly new. I watched TV news for a little while, in the 60’s and 70's. The JFK assassination, the Vietnam war…simply mouth watering. Color television was fascinating at first, but like most things, I got bored. 800 years old…you know how it is.

So now, I get up, I eat, I go to bed before sunrise. It's not exciting, but it's worked well. Until now. Something is definitely going on, and I have no way of finding out what. The streets are completely empty. Nobody anywhere. Barren.

There are no bars open, no late night grocery, nothing. Baffling. And I am starving. If I start to pursue someone on the street, they get tense and it's impossible to get the drop on them. I can’t even get within six feet of them without them completely freaking out, like I’m going to kill them or something. Which, to be fair, I am, but how do they know?

I tried to turn on my TV that I have from the 60’s, but no matter what I do with the antennae I can’t get a signal. I really should have gotten one of those little handheld televisions my victims have been carrying around the past couple of years. I believe they are called “Sell Foans.” But the sell foan stores aren’t open when I’m awake, so that’s out.

The only thing I could think of doing was to sneak into a hospital. And man, let me tell you, that place was crazy. Crazy enough for me to get a quick bite and get out of there without even being noticed.

But I have got to figure out what’s going on. And as soon as this fever breaks (man, I hate eating hospital food), I’m going to get up early one night and get me sell foan.